Beware the Fizz
by Shadow Oblivion
Summary: While talking to Roxas and Demyx, Axel decides to have some fun with something he found in the refrigerator. Xemnas is not amused.


Meant to post this a year ago but lost the outline until now. It was inspired by a warning label (I think it was real) that was on a bottle of soda.

Disclaimer: I own nothing from the Kingdom Hearts series.

-x-x-

In the World that Never Was, there were some Nobodies up to no good.

Axel opened the fridge door, scouring all of the shelves in hope of finding something to eat. Unfortunately, it seemed that everyone else in the organization had beat him too it, because all that was left was a bottle of soda and a packet of string cheese. Not what one would call lunch. Sighing unhappily, Axel took the two items out, staring down at them sadly. It seemed like he was going to be hungry until later that evening.

Exiting the kitchen, Axel went into the lounge and headed for a nearby table, where he sat down and set the string cheese and soda down. Axel glanced around to see if anyone else was around. Nearby, at another table, Roxas was…eating a sandwich…Wait! A…sandwich? Axel all but leapt from his seat, grabbing his tiny meal and bolting over to where Roxas was seated, in the process of finishing his meal.

Roxas pointedly ignored Axel watching him hopefully, as he finished his sandwich and licked his lips, smiling at the crestfallen Axel, "Sorry Axel, you were slow today. Demyx got the last sandwich." Roxas motioned to the chair next to him.

The previously unseen Demyx smiled sheepishly at him. "Bad luck, huh?"

"Tch...you two will let me starve?" Axel responded moodily, jabbing at the piece of string cheese.

"It was decided months ago that it was first come, first serve," Demyx reminded the red head, preparing to take a bit out of his sandwich.

"Look out Demyx!" Axel warned suddenly, his hand flashing out.

Demyx dropped the sandwich and ducked down, the string cheese flying overhead. When Demyx checked to see if the cost was clear, he saw that Axel was munching away on his sandwich, and Roxas was watching with disapproval. Demyx pouted, "No fair! That was mine, Axel!"

"It may be first come, first served, but there's also finders keepers," Axel replied, taking another bite out of the sandwich with relish.

"Why'd you do that Axel?" Roxas questioned.

"...Well, because Demyx is gullible," Axel finished the sandwich and glanced over at Demyx, "You need to work on that."

Demyx frowned unhappily, then began to smile mischievously. With a wave of his hand, his sitar appeared, and without missing a beat, strummed the strings, "Dance water, dance!"

A large wave of water hit Axel, drenching him thoroughly.

Axel sprayed water out of his mouth as he grinned cheekily at Demyx, "You should have done that when I took the sandwich."

"Are you going to drink that soda, Axel?"

Axel clutched the bottle closely, "Of course I am, Roxas. Go get your own." Axel set the bottle back down to open it, ignoring Demyx's snide comment about how he could give him another drink. Axel's eyes caught the warning label on the drink. He read it, then began to laugh, "Hey, you guys. It has a warning on it!"

"Really? What does it say?" Roxas wondered.

"Why is there a warning on a soda bottle?" Demyx asked curiously.

"Warning: Contents under pressure. Cap may blow off causing eye or other serious injury," Axel began, vaguely wondering what 'other serious injuries' could be, "Point away from the face and other people, especially while opening."

There was a long silence, then uneasy laughter.

"W...Wow, why did they put something like that on it?" Roxas asked, almost sounding nervous.

"Yeah, but can it actually happen?" Demyx asked hesitantly. He didn't like the idea of something that could do that, and he really didn't like the look in Axel's eyes.

Almost reading Demyx's mind, Axel aimed the bottle top at Demyx, "Want to find out?"

"Axel, leave Demyx alone," Roxas said in a bored voice, as Demyx took cover again.

Axel sighed as he lowered the bottle, "You're no fun..." Axel muttered, before he started to smile again, "Hey, Demyx, go get Xemnas and bring him here."

"But..." Demyx began to protest, but scurried off when Axel aimed the bottle at him again.

"What do you think you're doing? You pop that thing at Xemnas and what do you think will happen?" Roxas demanded, casting an irritated look at his friend.

"It'll be worth it. I'll just lie low afterward and hope Saix doesn't find me." Axel stood up and walked over near the kitchen door that led into the lounge, where he would have good aim. Axel settled against the wall, smirking as he waited.

Roxas shook his head, knowing that this would most likely not end well.

-x-

Xemnas was currently on the Alter of Naught, staring up at Kingdom Hearts in silence as he reflected on the progress the organization was making. Behind him, Saix was giving his mission report to his half-listening leader. Saix began to wrap up his report, deciding not to take up any more of Xemnas' time.

"...the Heartless won't be back for weeks, if at all. I have, however, left some of my berserkers stationed there just in case," Saix deadpanned, waiting for Xemnas to dismiss him.

The only movement that came from Xemnas was a head nod and the sentence of, "Very good."

Saix was about to take his leave, when Demyx suddenly stumbled out of a portal, bumping straight into Xemnas, who was pulled out of his trance like state.

Xemnas heaved a slight sigh of annoyance before turning around and fixing his attention on Demyx. The Melodious Nocturne was eying him nervously. A bit of silence passed, before Xemnas spoke, "What is it, number nine?"

Demyx jumped slightly upon being addressed, but managed a coherent response, "Axel stole my lunch, and when I tried to stop him, he started to threaten me."

Xemnas sighed again. Of course it was Axel causing trouble again, "Where is he?" Axel just couldn't stay out of trouble, could he?

"He's in the lounge," Demyx responded, trying to keep his voice calm. He was about to take his leave, when a hand seized his arm. Demyx froze and glanced over to see who had stopped him. Saix. Demyx gulped and shifted nervously in the berserker's grasp.

Xemnas was looking at Demyx thoughtfully, "Who told you to leave? You're coming with us. You need to learn to deal with these things on your own." Xemnas created a portal and stepped through it. Saix followed and took with him an unhappy Demyx, who wondered if Axel knew this was going to happen.

-x-

Xemnas exited the portal swiftly and headed toward the lounge. He had barely crossed the threshold when a voice rang out and startled him.

"Beware the fizz of DOOM!" Axel cackled maniacally, taking aim and opening the soda bottle. Axel watched gleefully as the cap whizzed across the room and hit Xemnas dead center of his forehead, effectively knocking him out. Axel laughed again before beating a hasty retreat, pursued by an irate Saix, who had let go of Demyx.

Said sitarist and Roxas approached their downed leader and stood next to him, silent.

"Is he all right?" Demyx questioned softly, crouching down and prodding Xemnas' shoulder tentatively.

Roxas stared down at Xemnas for a moment, then shrugged as Xemnas let out a soft moan, "I think he just got knocked unconscious. He should be fine when he wakes up."

"What should we do?" Demyx wondered, hoping that Xemnas wouldn't punish him for luring him there.

"...Help me get him over to the couch." Roxas said in response, reaching down to grab Xemnas. Between them, Demyx and Roxas managed to get Xemnas down onto the nearest couch, where he lay, snoring softly, unaware of what had just happened to him.

"Should we wake him up?" Demyx questioned, unsure if they should leave Xemnas there, in case Axel came back and decided to try some other prank on him in his sleep.

Roxas shook his head, "No, let him sleep. He probably doesn't get much rest." _'Not to mention this means that there won't be a meeting today.'_

There was a faint crash in the distance, accompanied by yells.

"..."

"..."

"But wake him up if Saix tries to kill Axel?" Demyx asked, looking unnerved.

Another crash, and what sounded like a cry of pain.

"No, let's go help him. Make sure Saix doesn't hurt him...much," Roxas created a portal and stepped through it, followed by Demyx, who wondered vaguely why he didn't just go to a quiet part of the castle. Hell, he should have gone all the way to Twilight Town. He could have relaxed while playing his sitar. It seemed less hazardous then realizing that Axel was bored and trying to alleviate it.

Xemnas slept on, oblivious to what was going on in the castle.

Roxas and Demyx managed to rescue Axel, and all three went into hiding while Saix prowled around the castle halls, itching to cause injury to a certain red-head. His plans, however, were put on hold by an irritable Larxene, who fried him as soon as she saw him. The rest of the organization avoided her for the rest of the day.

-x-

Hours later, Xemnas finally stirred. He sat up stiffly and slowly ran a hand through his silver hair, trying to remember what had happened. There was a short silence, as Xemnas pieced his thoughts together, then...

"AXEL!"

Soda would be banned in The World that Never Was for the next several weeks.

-x-x-

Mostly just a humor fic (still working on new chapters for the other KH stories I have).


End file.
